We are creatures of habits and stories, made up of beginnings and endings. Left in limbo, we suffer. Sometimes we make our endings and sometimes we await decisions from others. Technology allows us to delay endings – from lights that keep us awake, fridges that keep food for longer, to ever expanding storage and access to digital content. Rarely do we need to delete old messages and photos to clear up space, and therefore practise letting go. In a world that is growing more virtual, we are all growing full of open loops, and perhaps a few too many options. With too much access and flexibility we become unanchored and easily swayed.
Without the need to close loops more regularly as we did before – closing the loop from home to work, and from work to home, employee to parent, parent to friend – our external and internal spaces blur. Our worries and deliberations increase as all our roles melt together and we struggle to close one loop and fully commit our attention to the next; failing then at focusing on any of them.
Just as we close apps on our phone or laptop when we notice it struggling, we need to close our own internal apps to give ourselves more breathing space. We need to acknowledge the endings day-to-day, as well as the seasons and eras, as they allow us to return to what we value and cherish the most.
Here are some suggestions for improving our practice of closing loops.
Day-to-day closing rituals
Bookmark either in time or space our work life from our home life. The extra effort of wearing work-only clothes and fragrances can help us maintain a work bubble. Switching out of it to home life, perhaps with a brief walk outside, will help separate the two parts.
With the upcoming change in the clocks, our activities during daylight hours are more limited. It’s ever more important to maximise these daylight hours and differentiate them as our night hours become an even larger blur of activities in the same space. Continually putting things in their place, closing items were done with, can help reduce that sense of being on and alert to everything all the time.
Seasonal closing rituals
I feel that it’s a lot easier to manage an uncertain future when we regularly start from a new Day 0. On one hand we could say we’ve been stuck every since March and we’re still holding our breath for a return to normality, but on the other hand, we could recognise that we’ve made it so far and we can create our own new normal, even if it only lasts for a few weeks. Spring has passed, summer has passed – time to put those items away for now. Acknowledging and tidying those seasons away, gives us space to welcome and appreciate the new seasons.
Era closing rituals
I use era to mark those significant periods (regardless of how technically long or short) that we can never return to. Whether a job, a relationship, a life, these are the ones we need to say goodbye to and they are the hardest. Whether in a silent moment to ourselves, or in a group, we need to find our way to acknowledge what was. We could write down memories, an honest letter never to be sent to be the recipient, or burn a candle. These goodbyes are multi-layered and it takes time to realise all the different parts we have to say goodbye to.
Rediscovering hope
Just as we can welcome new seasons, it helps to remember what we want in our future. Know in our own headspace where we are in our journey. If we want longer to be where we are right now, then take it. But if we’re ready for things to change, then allow ourselves to wish it. If there is fear, acknowledge it and find the lessons it holds. If there is excitement, acknowledge it and cultivate it.
Uncertainty is a constant so change will happen eventually.
